When I Herp I Derp!

diana i love you i want to play gears more -___-

either way sorry i didnt get to see you today ok shit just happened and wasnt able to. sorry either way yea just tired and angry from halo. that was a bullshit round.

so get on gears dammit i want to play. i love you and miss you.

so the reason i was all meh earlier was because well… honestly i hate life. I think its due to the fact that like i see things very differently then people and feel that i am here for more in life than other people. like i am or was created to do something awesome or special. i dont know. all i really know is that all day at work ive been thinking about life and how pointless everything is and how nonsensical everything has become. like to me i feel that working of all places at a toy store makes life feel worthless because of the fact that when i see plenty of bullshit toys that are absolutely retarded and have no reason for even existing, i see the world as absolute garbage because of the fact that, ya know wish life was more of an adventure.

         Like for instance, i sat there and i realized that i feel the need for purpose. like I feel like i have no purpose anymore. like when i said that i want to walk across the country just because its an “adventure”. well hell i honestly would. WHY? because i feel the need to have an adventure. I know you said that my adventure or anything will start when i get my own place or like have the job i want or whatever. Thing is though… i dont see it that way. like when i see myself having a job or whatever i see it all cycling again. like the world is nothing but a cycle. why? lets see. you are born and taught to go to school to learn more and learn and learn for like 18+ years of your life and what do you get in return? nothing for that wasted time. then if you get a job what do you do? you get some money in this shit economy anymore and use it to buy more schholing even though no one can afford it. lets see. me… hmmm i have like no money have been working since ive been 13 and o yea STILL NO MONEY. theres no point. like i hate that fact that everything is so damn expensive and when you get shit you cant do anything you wanna do. no adventure for me nothing. im fine with having bare minimum shit in life i really am im just sick of this world.

       i may have side tracked off of the subject of the beginning sentence last time but now i will make my point. purpose. there is no fucking purpose anymore. i say i want to go to california or i want to travel but seriously there is no point.  like say i drive there is no sense of adventure truly when there is a gps telling you where to go at every turn and really i feel like if i walked or something you could at least have some adventure. like really nothing guiding you but still there are freeways and roads every which way. but while i was at work i realized while looking at the midevil action figures of drgaons and knights and horses and i feel like hmm maybe i was born in the wrong time because well hell i think of when they would sit there and travel over long distances no idea where to go and just rode a horse and anything encountered interacted with (for the most part). regardless. something like that is an amazing thought. having a purpose to go somewhere. like in one town going o i need a doctor i will see u in like a week and set out on an adventure. no fucking purpose here because there is always something right around the corner. food, medicine, gas, anything just right there. its stupid how many stores there are. maybe i feel like i wish there was soooo much less in life like open fields all over like the old days so that you traveled.  i feel like i have no purpose. what nothing right now. well then what if i get a job and my own place. its a cycle again because you do what? work, money, pay or buy shit, work some more. and i dont know but people have an insatiable thought that the point of life is to make new life and fall in love and im like. that is a privilege not purpose. some people say o purpose when you have a child yea no shit because you have to take care of them but really they wish they had more. i see people in toys r us with babies and i think man what miserable people not wishing for more. and just goin o yea great kid toys life blah blah blah. like when i see people with smiles. they just dont think of anything else they feel o im comfortable in my little sad pathetic life. me i feel there is more to life. some form of purpose. 

     either way i was also thinking of things i could compare my desire of adventure and purpose too and i figured some things out. for 1. zombie invasion. im not talking about it long because i know i talk about it a lot. but none the less. no lie i think it would be awesome. but heres my thought with “adventure” in the movie zombieland what is the main young guy doing? on his way (traveling) to go find his parents in ohio from wherever he was. what about the girls? some amusement park. always traveling to go somewhere they need to be. and what i really love about those movies. might be the fact that you can continuously travel but when you need supplies you pull off at a random place and get your supplies. its a necessity and a purpose of the certain store not jee lets raid all the stores. theres purpose for entering some town. another thing more so that i think of, is sci fi things like star wars or firefly or battlestar galactica. like really. ok i know where not close to that future but i feel im in the wrong time. first firefly. dont know if you have watched but main thing is rebel pilot and crew are basically pirates in space doing jobs for merchants or whoever to make money. now heres the part im relating. every planet they get to or whatever. they have a purpose. if they set at one planet they have a purpose of going there, either to buy trade, sell buy, whatever. all can do it but this one has supplies while another planet has a nice bar or whatever. its the thought of adventure and seeing and being in new places and what else? o yea just like exploring with the million planets out there. i love that show and thought of this first because i would love to have this. just like we need a new part ok take us here, not ok well lets go up the street to fuckin walmart. fuckin stupid society we have.

     now the whole fact of like star wars or like star trek or bsg, is the fact that they do the same thing. they have adventures of going to new planets in search of things or doing things that not everyone does. all i know is that i would love to space travel but o the fuck well. now just one more thing i wanna mention is the movie the book of eli. so its like an entire desert and he is “walking” which i would do to travel because nothing around and stuff make your way to where you need to go. sleep in caves see a river o hey sleep or drink. survive and adventure. almost like a damn game i want huh>? but yea he keeps traveling till he finds a fucking town (in the middle of nowhere i might add) he goes and trades. would love to do thsat for things you need not be like jee i dont have enough il come back later when im done working. -___- thats not right. either way i just fucking hate life man its just stupid anymore. if i were to say jee let me go to california because i need something or like there is something there then sure but i would like to travel for some purpose but no there is nothing.

     basically putting this, i hate life because its too easy and no one has any fight left or no sense of adventure or any will to want anything more. just anything they can get like jee ima get a job and thats it and then an apartment finally a house and ooo a family and then il die. if i do that without having some type of purpose or adventure or something i would feel my life is shit and that i died for nothing and the sole purpose of my existence would be nothing.

     look i know i want to become a firefighter and stuff like that but look at it this way, my way, if i become a firefighter in cleveland or anywhere else (because honestly i would love to move and get a job in chicago) itd still all be the same even if i had my own place. WHY? because same place with a new job, oohoo gonna have that the rest of my life, which is like 70-80 some years and yea after like 3 therell be like a whole o joy what do i have now. a house or apartment? dude as i said rather be on the move seeing new places and stuff i hate being stuck in the same old rotting hole all my life. wish it had purpose or something but whatever. and a kid and family. yea i would love that but after some time which i dont have. why because life is to short and i really want some type of adventure and having a kid is just murder on anything you wanna do until you do it. thered be a wasted feeling in my gut if i never did anything. having a kid would cause me to stop and not go anywhere for yeeeeaaaars until im old and cant enjoy my thoughts as of now. regardless. all i know is i just hate this life and hate this bullshit pussy world. that is what i was thinking earlier. if you need me to explain more or want me too or like if you have any questions let me kno. not like im going anywhere.

so i like watching you play naughty bear… you naughty girl lol jk. but yea im glad we got it. although after seeing danas interaction and like how she acted when we play it man like we shouldve gotten it for her for christmas lol. but anyway i love you babe just wanted to let you know that. awesome watching you scare these little bears and shit… like run RUN!!! little bears you know nothing of howd id kill you! mwahahahaha lol. but yes i love you diana! your awesome! and amazing. sorry i came over late. twas poo i know but yes i loooooove you and i already miss you even though we still have like another o well lets say 5 hours or so. thatd make it about 1230. anyway i looooove you!

Hehe so i just wanted to tell you i love you and that your awesome! your an awesome girlfriend and your awesome in life and im lucky to have you in my life. not every guy can say he gets to play awesome video games with his girlfriend. but anyways i love you diana! your amazing! im looking forward to playing gears more with you once das piiiiiiig comes out lol. anyway just wanted to say i love you! yes i really really do baby! anyway i loooove you! bye bye! :)

so…… i totally see you! :) haha yea i know weird right. you is are playing batman just chilling and wanting me to write you this. so here i go.

Diana,

         After reading the things you wrote on facebook about always loving me, always wanting me to have you in your life, i realize that i am the luckiest man in the world. i mean i always knew i was but after seeing that after all these past couplr of days being upset and whatnot with each other, it really means a lot to me and makes me feel so lucky to have you in my life. i love you diana with all my heart.

       Hell you want to know something? i still have the text you wrote on my phone when we first started going out. its amazing. after so long we still love each other to post things for each opther like this telling you how much i love you. i really do. i look back and makes me feel like nothing is ever wrong really. although i mean i know you get mad at me once in awhile but thats understandable because, well im a guy and im me so i mean im not perfect but either way i love you.

       i love you diana i really do. you make me feel special all the time im with you and even some of the times when im without you. (the time i cant say is for likew the time im at work and i have to be without for so long and im like oh yeah these bitches (co workers or stupid fucking people) haha yea cant really be happy because i have shit going on and cant be without you so either way. but i love you and nothing else in the world matters to me i really do. i know you feel the same way as i do because well ive seen it and youve told me! :)

      To tell you the truth, i cant really describe my feelings about being in love with you because in all honesty its just the sensations or feelings of being with you. i mean hell i love you and just love being around you. seeing you smile makes me smile, seeing you cry makes me tear (im a man still i cant cry lol) anyway but when im with you im happy and feel like not really anything is wrong. i mean except when i have shit like work or stupid shit going on. but yea i love you and just cant stop saying it.

       i love you babe i do. so i hope you like and enjoy this little note of mine. sorry i dont write more. hell if im not at home im at work and if not there im here for the most part. hell i barely go on the computer anymore really. if anything im on the xbox. but thats barely anymore. i cant wait till this agility test is over so i can spend more time with you. as well as being able to play games with you like if i have work then i stay home and play while i wait like if i got shit to do. anyway i love you baby!

                                                 I love you baby! Love always, your Hunny Bunny!

Listen with all my heart, i truly love you, i really honestly do. You mean everything to me and i would be lost without you now that i know you and have you. i love you Diana. I asked if you wanted to come to this thing and you didn’t say anything. but that is not the point i wanna make right now. i love you. im sorry for everything that i do that upsets you makes you feel down and whatever and eh and meh. but i truly love you. that alone should make you happy. i love you

Your Favorite Gears of War Multi-player.

My favorite Gears of War multiplayer has to be the beta for 3. it was the best one of them i have played/ although to me im ok at 2 but i dont think im that good but everyone else tells me i am. im not really. but yeah gears of war 3 beta’s gameplay felt the best and in my opinion was the best. I cant wait. 18 more days baby!

Your favorite Gears of war campaign.

My favorite campaign had to be the first one just because when i first got the game it was the most amazing game ever and i didnt think anything could compare. then i played it on insane and got my ass kicked because of how noobish i was and now i can honestly say can beat general Raam in 30 seconds flat on insane. AWESOME!

So let me see here. ive been going down trough tumblr posts soooo long i would hate to have to come back to the dashboard and write something then come back to… o crap… dammit o well back through tumblr i go lol